


It's always darkest just before the dawn (so stay awake with me)

by trilliastra



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Frottage, Hand Jobs, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Scott and Stiles bromance, Sheriff Stilinski is the best dad, post 3.12
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-23
Updated: 2013-08-23
Packaged: 2017-12-24 09:01:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/938089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trilliastra/pseuds/trilliastra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It takes him two months to realize that Derek is his anchor. Not a werewolf kind of anchor – but the kind that eases his thoughts and makes him feel safe.</p><p>__</p><p>In which Stiles starts to experience what Deaton called 'darkness around his heart'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's always darkest just before the dawn (so stay awake with me)

When Scott told him, two days after they – as in Scott and Derek – sent Deucalion away that Derek and Cora were leaving town, Stiles had his second panic attack in three days.  
He doesn't know what triggered it this time, except he kind of does. Stiles has no idea how and why he started to associate Derek with 'need to protect' and 'can't die, oh my god, he can't die', maybe when they saved each other for the billionth time or because they started to talk during the summer – both feeling guilty because of Erica and Boyd so they started looking for them together – or even when they started to exchange text messages. Stiles figures it actually doesn't matter how they started being friends, it only matters that Derek is important enough to make him have a panic attack just by thinking he will not be able to see, protect or help him. Stiles won't be able to show Derek he has people who cares for him, he has friends. _He has Stiles._

Once he's able to breath again, the first thing he does is drink some water and then write a message for Derek, delete said message, write it all over again, give up writing and after ten minutes of indecision send _'I know what you're doing and why. I hope you will be happy wherever you decide to live now, but don't forget you belong here too. With you friends'_ and then another _'Don't be a stranger, we care okay?'._

Five minutes later he sighs and decides _fuck it_ because the damage is done already so he might as well send everything he wants, writing _'I care. Text me whenever okay? Please.'_. Then he collapses on the bed dropping his phone on the floor and wills the panic and anxiety off.

He only checks his phone again at night and at this point there's four new messages _'I can't run from you guys even if I wanted'_ followed by _'Thanks'_ and the last two make Stiles' heart flips inside his chest _'I will come back. I promise.' - 'Take care. I don't want to run back to BH just to save your ass. You know I will right?'._

 _'Yeah, I know.'_ Stiles texts back and tries to pretend he's not smiling like an idiot.

He fails.

–

It's been two weeks since Stiles, Scott and Allison 'sacrificed' themselves to save their parents. Scott and Allison say they can feel it too but, Stiles thinks to himself, _at least they can sleep._

The darkness that Deaton said is not something palpable. He doesn't have hallucinations, can't see ghosts or summon demons, but it's there – a buzz, a constant reminder of the worst things about Stiles' life, his fears and his nightmares. Everything combined with the fact that he already had problems with sleeping results in a never-ending insomnia that makes him feel like he could collapse at any moment. Sleeping pills helped but they make him feel weird the next day and his dad is watching him like a hawk – making sure he's not abusing the meds.

On the bright side there's no monster hunting them – _yet_ , he can't help but think. Scott convinced him to try being positive and all that crap but Stiles was always the realistic guy, the one who doesn't dream about happy endings and now, the one who doesn't dream at all.

–

His dad and Scott are worried about him, he knows by the way they keep giving him this look like they are only waiting for Stiles to freak out and just give up. 

It only makes him think they don't know him at all.

Stiles is not one to pick the easy way out. He will keep trying and pushing, working until there's nothing else he can do except pass out and never wake up again.  
It's not smart and healthy, he ends up hurting his dad and Scott but if it keeps them safe that's all Stiles cares about.

Derek thinks he's an idiot and he's not afraid to tell him so. Because Derek texts him, to Stiles constant surprise, Derek _calls_ him.  
He's been doing it since he and Cora left but at the beginning it was sporadic - once or twice a week – usually after midnight because Stiles found out Derek can't sleep either and also because of the timezone, but then it became an habit.

Two weeks after their first midnight call Stiles realized Derek can calm him, keep him out of his mind and help him forget his fears. One night Stiles fell asleep while talking with Derek and slept for twenty hours straight, he woke up with his dad smiling at him and his phone in pieces where it fell on the floor.

It kept happening and Stiles got addicted.

It takes him two months to realize that Derek is his anchor. Not a werewolf kind of anchor – but the kind of anchor who calms him, eases his thoughts, makes him feel safe.

Talking with Derek gives him strength to keep going.

They discuss everything and nothing. Stupid tv shows and movies and books, random people, funny things they saw on the street. Sometimes they talk about the past, Stiles told Derek about how his mom hated cooking and Derek talked about Laura having the weirdest taste in food ever. Derek is never condescending or positive, he doesn't lie – he's sometimes brutally honest but it doesn't make him flinch because Derek is not doing it to hurt him, he just thinks that lying doesn't help at all (and it makes Stiles realize that despite Derek omitting important things from them – he never really lied just for the sake of it). 

Derek and Cora are in New York now and he told Stiles that Cora loves living there. He said she's planning to start college and get a job at a book shop, Derek said she's happy and they are starting to be a family again.

It takes him four months to realize he's in love with Derek. Just in time to feel his heart breaking in a million pieces only by the thought of never being able to see Derek again, the thought of Derek finding someone nice in New York and never coming back despite having promised he would.

Stiles is so frustrated with his life - so angry with himself for dragging Scott that night to try to find Laura's body, angry for causing his best friends' pain, getting his dad hurt, his own fucking heartbreak – he doesn't realize he started sobbing until his dad barges inside his room, looking panicked when he sees Stiles on the floor gasping for air and crying. He's beside Stiles in a heartbeat, holding him against his chest and muttering _'it's okay son. We're okay'._

It's weird and he's trying to calm Stiles like he used to when Stiles was a kid, but everything is so different now that there's nothing his dad can say to help.

“I fucked up everything dad.” He sobs and his dad shushes him softly. “Scott is a werewolf and -”

“Son, it's okay.”

“NO!” He screams. “He's a werewolf and people died, and Derek's gone. And -” He can't control, he wants to speak with Derek. He needs to - “he's never coming back dad. I fucked up everything and he will never be happy here again.” He tries to breath and ends up crying even harder, the tears are burning in his eyes and he's holding his dad's shirt as hard as he can because he can't leave too, not his dad. Not like Derek. “And I want him to be happy there but why can't he be happy here too? Why can't I be happy he's happy, dad?” He can hear his dad sobbing and it makes him feel worse but he can't hold it back anymore, he ruined his best friend's life and his dad's and he ruined himself. “Why can't I be happy, dad?”.

–

There are new bodies but Scott says it doesn't smell like werewolves or Ms. Blake. Stiles promptly volunteers for research because he needs to feel useful, it's their fault this new creature is in Beacon Hills, it's their _responsibility._

His dad shakes his head but doesn't say anything. He learned a long time ago he can't convince or forbid Stiles from doing anything, instead he just asks him to be careful, keeps watching him – even more than before – and forces him to visit the school counselor.

It's weird at first - he still has some regards with Ms. Morell - but then it's better because she knows what's happening to him. It helps, in some ways more than others, because he has someone to talk to but it doesn't fix him. Probably never will.

It also doesn't help that he's losing his anchor.

When he used to think about Derek he immediately felt peace, now he feels pain. They still talk but Stiles is not the same anymore, Derek must have realized it too because he stops texting random things, curiosities or about his life in general, now Stiles only gets the friendly _'We're okay.'_ and _'How's BH?'._  
He knows Derek thinks Stiles hates him and it makes him feel like his heart is being ripped off his chest, but he thinks it's for the best. Best for Derek to keep himself away from Beacon Hills and best for Stiles to keep himself away from Derek.

Everybody wins and everything fucking hurts.

–

Scott asks if he's okay and Stiles says _yes._

Scott doesn't believe him but Stiles only shrugs.

 _'Nothing is okay because nothing will ever be okay'_ he doesn't say _'but as long as I'm alive I have to keep going'._

–

Shape-shifters are evil, Stiles and Scott find out some time later, because of course they are.

“ Why not Santa? Or Easter Bunny?” He asks Scott after Aiden managed to kill the shifter-thing. 

“Or tooth fairy!” Scott supplies because he is obsessed with fairies since they were kids.

“Exactly! Instead we have werewolves, shape-shifters, kanimas and a hell of other stupid and evil things.”

“Fuck our lives.”

“Word.” He agrees before Lydia is ordering them to help and burn the remains of the body.

–

Derek is not replying his texts and Derek is also not answering his calls. Stiles would be worried if he didn't know he caused it by slowly putting more distance (ha – distance) between Derek and himself, taking hours to answer his texts – even if he saw them the minute his phone dinged because he's always waiting for Derek's texts – and sometimes avoiding his calls.

It hurts and Ms. Morell says he's stupid – not with those words because she's still his therapist but it was implied – but Stiles considers himself cautious, if he doesn't talk to Derek he won't humiliate himself and have his heart broken even more.

It's his plan and he's doing okay with it.

Except for the part where he can't sleep without talking to Derek, but his insomnia will have to deal with it.

–

Sex helps, he finds out some time later when his dad is on a full night-shift and Stiles uses his new fake ID to go to Jungle and get some drinks. He ends up going back home with this hot guy, who gives him a messy blow job and takes his virginity.

Stiles kicks him out not even ten minutes after they are finished, scaring the guy off with the 'my dad is the sheriff and he will be home any time soon' talk.

It wasn't like he imagined but Stiles certainly doesn't regret it. Before he falls asleep though, he thinks about what would feel like to have sex with Derek.

–

It's been seven months since Derek is gone and Stiles has another panic attack, this time at school.  
Isaac mentions the anniversary of the Hale fire being just one week away and how Peter once told him the date – mostly to annoy Derek, because that's what Peter does and now that Derek is away Stiles doesn't want to think about what Peter is plotting. When Allison says they should visit their graves – at least for respect – Lydia says she has an appointment with her hairdresser and Aiden snorts, saying he won't because it's none of his business. And that's when Stiles feels the bile in his throat.

He stands, ignoring the others looking at him, and runs to the bathroom. He doesn't know how long he's in there but when his head stops spinning Stiles can see a hand offering a bottle of water.  
He drinks slowly, letting it wash the horrible taste in his mouth, while Scott sits on the floor beside him, he doesn't touch Stiles – Scott knows how much he hates to be touched after a panic attack – but his presence is comforting.

“ Thanks.” Stiles says.

“Stiles -” He starts but Stiles stops him with a wave of his hand.

“Please don't, okay? I'm trying to work on it, I'm getting better. I promise.”

“That's not what I was going to say.” Scott says before lifting his hand slowly so he can touch Stiles' knee, like giving Stiles space to pull away. When Stiles doesn't flinch, Scott shifts closer. “It's okay to be afraid and it's also okay to be angry. It doesn't make you a bad person.”

“It makes me vulnerable.” He says and Scott narrows his eyes, shaking his head.

“I know you want to be strong for your dad and for me. I appreciate that, I really do! But you're hurting yourself, Stiles. And you have to know that we hate that.” Scott's tone is firm and Stiles can't help but be impressed. “How do you think we feel when we see you like this?” He gestures at Stiles' face – probably red and with bags under his eyes – and his shirt – wet with tears. “You have to let us take care of you too, because you're as much our responsibility as we are yours.”

He can help it then, there's no panic anymore, there's just pain and sadness, the need to let go. When Scott brings him close and holds him, Stiles just cling at his shirt and cries.

“I'm so sorry, Scott. That night, I shouldn't -”

“Shut up. Please shut up.” Scott interrupts. “It's not your fault Stiles. Nothing that happened is your fault, I never blamed you and I never will, okay?” He feels Scott shaking him a little, just to call his attention. “Okay?”

“Yes.” He sobs. “Yes, I know.”

“Good.” They miss their next period but when Stiles stops shaking, Scott drags him to Ms. Morell's office. When she allows them to leave school after calling their parents, Scott drives them to his house so they can spend the rest of the day finally watching Star Wars, both falling asleep on the couch.

That night Stiles dreams with a bright future.

–

He calls Derek one week later. He doesn't answer but Stiles is not surprised, hurt yes but not surprised. Stiles almost gives up calling him entirely, but figures he owes an explanation.

“I'm sorry.” It's the first thing Stiles says to Derek's voice mail, hoping he will at least listen to the message. “And I know it's not enough. It won't ever be. I know you're angry and I don't blame you. It's just – things have been pretty shitty to me this last few months. I – I kind of realized some things that scared me and I tried to keep everybody away. I'm really really sorry, Derek. You don't need to call me or anything, just text to say that you're okay. At least to Scott.” He takes a deep breath to try and hold the tears but when he speaks again his voice is shaking. “You have to know I care okay? I will always care. Just – I'm really fucking sorry. And – yeah. Bye Derek.”

–

Derek doesn't call him. Stiles shouldn't be surprised. He doesn't know what he expected really.  
Part of him, of course, thought that Derek was going to call and they were going to be okay again, but the biggest part knew he fucked up and this time there's no way to fix it.

He doesn't cry though. He thinks he cried enough these past months but he does eat half of the cake some deputies bought for his dad's birthday. It was delicious.

–

“Can you take the door Stiles?” His dad calls from the kitchen.

“No can do. I'm sleeping.”

“Great.” His dad yells. “Then I'll order some pizza and you won't be able to complain at all. Because you're sleeping.”

“No you won't.” His dad doesn't reply so Stiles figures he must be answering whomever is on the door – probably just another deputy although Stiles hopes it's nothing urgent because it's Friday and they are going to marathon Die Hard tonight. Five minutes later he can hear steps coming up the stair, so he's expecting his dad coming to explain why he won't be able to stay home.

He's not expecting Derek walking through his bedroom's door.

“Hi”. He says and Stiles can't help but stare, wide eyed and speechless. _He looks beautiful,_ Stiles thinks while shifting to a sitting position. Derek looks well rested too and he's smiling softly, though when he looks Stiles up and down his eyes narrow. “You lost weight.” There's a beat and then Stiles is launching himself at Derek, hugging him with intent and desperation. He circles Derek's neck with his arms and tucks his face on Derek's chest, breathing hard – the lump in his chest suddenly disappearing.

“You – Derek.” It's the first time they hug, Stiles reminds himself. But it feels so familiar - being close to him. When Derek holds him back, nuzzling his cheek and neck Stiles let's out a shaky breath, clinging to Derek's jacket and praying for that moment to never end. “I missed you. I missed you so fucking much.”

“I missed you too.” He feels the words being whispered against his neck and it makes him shiver. “I'm sorry I wasn't here for you before. I'm so sorry.”

“Shut up, shut up.” He half laughs and half cries. “You're here now, oh my god. You're here.”

“I am.” He presses a kiss on Stiles' neck. “And I'm not leaving again.”

–

His dad orders pizza while Stiles and Derek are still attached to each other in Stiles' bedroom and he keeps sending them these amused looks the entire dinner – Stiles knows that look, it's his _'I'm going to make fun of you later, but I'm also happy you're happy'_ (Stiles loves his dad, he really really does).

“I was angry with you. I'm not gonna lie.” Derek says after dinner when they're in the living room, Die Hard playing on tv but clearly forgotten. “And I almost deleted your voice mail, it took me two days to hear it.” It aches to know he hurt Derek like that. It was his own stupidity – he only thought about protecting himself from the pain and now it hurts even more. “But when I did, your voice Stiles. It was so hurt, it made me think – what have you been through while I was away? What exactly happened to you? Stiles – I” He trails off, frustrated and Stiles immediately grabs Derek's hand in his.

“Things happened to both of us. While I was here and you in New York, in this past seven months and way before.” He lifts their joined hands to kiss Derek's knuckles. In the kitchen his dad knocks a glass. “We are healing and it's not easy. It will never be.”

“You don't deserve this Stiles. Everything, you -”

“Bullshit.” He cuts. “I chose this and I would do everything all over again. Because my dad and Scott are still alive. I'm alive. Derek, you're alive.” He smiles. “And this makes everything I've been through worth it.”

His dad keeps knocking things down in the kitchen and Stiles thinks it only makes him more obvious, but he doesn't care if his dad listens – if he did they would be somewhere else. It's not time for love confessions, they need to fix their friendship first.

“I'm not gonna lie either.” Stiles continues. “I don't think we'll ever heal completely.” When he says it, Derek squeezes his hand and shifts closer, their tights pressing against each other. “Too much happened and I'm pretty sure things are going to keep happening. It's the world we live in.” Despite the way Derek looks at him – with such a sad expression – Stiles manages to smile. “But it doesn't matter as long as we have each other, right?”

“Yeah.” Derek agrees. “We have each other.”

In the kitchen there's a bang and a grunt of _'well fuck'._

–

Derek sold the loft when he and Cora left for New York and Stiles is relieved. Boyd's death is still a constant in Derek's mind, Stiles knows. The way it happened – it's just good that Derek won't be reminded every time he goes home.  
His dad offered their guest bedroom but Derek smiled and politely declined, saying that Scott offered first.

It is amazing and makes Stiles almost burst with happiness and pride for his best friend (it was also funny to watch Derek's face when Scott gave him a hug – all scared and confused but still somehow happy).

The most surprising thing, however is the way Isaac looks at Derek. Scott invited everybody for dinner at his house ( _'this is not a pack meeting Stiles, shut up'_ ) and when Isaac and Allison arrive from their date, Isaac looks at Derek astonished. Allison moves to stand in front of him – like she wants to protect him somehow and Stiles doesn't miss the way Scott still flinches at their display of affection.

Derek barely has time to say _hey_ before Isaac punches him. The surprise makes Derek loses his balance and topples over, Scott rushing to hold Isaac and Stiles rushing to help Derek stand up again. Then Isaac starts yelling – cursing Derek for being stupid, trusting the wrong people and letting Boyd and Erica die. Derek just takes it, takes everything and Stiles wants to make things stop – they've been through so much, so much pain, why can't it all just stop?

It's Scott who shouts. Stiles doesn't know if he used his Alpha voice or it's just because everybody in the room respects him, but Isaac stops screaming and the silence reigns.

“Stiles, can you please get us some food?” Scott asks and when Stiles nods, he smiles. “Now, we will all sit and talk. No more yelling, no more accusations. We will only hear and when you need to ask raise your hand first.” Stiles snorts and claps Scott on the back before taking his phone and ordering pizza.

–

It gets better.

Derek finds a new apartment to live downtown, it's near the gym and the coffee shop (extremely ironic, Stiles thinks) and it has furniture this time. There's three bedrooms and Isaac automatically claims one for himself, without even waiting for Derek's permission (after the yelling and explaining, there was some manly hugging with tears and everything. Stiles only knows that Derek apologized to Isaac and Isaac forgave Derek so everything is fine).  
The other bedroom is for Cora, but they don't discuss if she will ever want to come back. She's still in New York and Derek calls her every night, Stiles feels guilty for dragging Derek back to Beacon Hills – away from his last alive (and sane) relative, but Derek says he would never be completely happy in New York. Not the way Cora is (it makes Stiles feels a little better, but not much).

–

Unfortunately the nightmares don't stop. Stiles wakes up in the middle of the night sweating and screaming for his mom, his dad or Scott. And Derek.

The majority of his nightmares involve Derek leaving him again. Derek getting hurt. Derek dying. And more times than most Derek betraying him.

It's his biggest fear, Stiles realizes. That Derek will refuse to help him, Derek will leave him to die, Derek will kill his dad.

Sometimes he gets so absorbed analyzing his nightmares that he forgets where he is. When Derek touches him to call his attention when they are having dinner together in his new apartment, Stiles flinches, startled, and Derek gives him this hurt look – like it's somehow his fault Stiles is scared the whole time.

Although they started to be friends again, telling each other everything and texting all the time, Stiles can't bring himself to talk about his nightmares. He feels like he's betraying Derek's trust, thinking about him like that – and worst, he'd admit that he's afraid of losing Derek, not in a friendly way, but in a _you're the love of my life_ way. Stiles can't do it, can't throw his feelings at him like that, not when Derek is barely healing from everything, starting over again – he just can't.

So he doesn't. Stiles buries his feelings way deep down and only let they go loose in his dreams and nightmares.

Scott and his dad are the only ones who know, because they saw Stiles at his worst – during and after panic attacks, waking up from nightmares – but they don't mention it and Stiles couldn't love them more.

–

“Hey -” Derek starts one night when they are alone in his apartment, watching Avengers for the billionth time because Stiles can't ever get enough of Chris Evans' ass (and the aliens too, but mostly the ass). “I know you are not telling me everything. And I want you to know that I understand.” Stiles stares afraid of what Derek might say, but when Derek smiles and touches his arm softly he relaxes. “But you helped me heal and I want to do the same for you. If you'd ever want to talk. I'm here.”

 _I shouldn't,_ he thinks, _it's not his problem. I shouldn't throw this at him._ But the thing is: Stiles is fucking tired. He is constantly worried that Derek will find out about his feelings, he has nightmares with Derek leaving town or dying, he can't sleep because he has no more excuses to call Derek in the middle of the night. He is completely _spent._

Derek's presence should be a comfort and not distressing.

“I have nightmares. That is, when I can sleep.” He waves a hand absently and Derek pauses the movie, turning his attention completely to Stiles. “When I feel I could pass out from exhaustion I take some pills to sleep but – Ms. Morell says it's not healthy.” It hurts to say it aloud, especially because he's talking to Derek about it. Stiles wanted to be strong for him, to help and make him feel at home. Talking about himself was not on his plans. “I've been having this – problems since Scott, Allison and I took the ice bath last year.”

“Stiles -” Derek said when he paused to take a deep breath. He only realized he started shaking when Derek holds his hand. “you should have told me. I had no idea, just – I could have done something to help.”

“You did.” He answered. “Every time we talked I could feel better. I could sleep better.” He kept his gaze on Derek's face, so he noticed the exact moment he understood what Stiles meant. “You sounded so happy, talking about Cora and New York, so it hit me you know? You could live there and be happy. You didn't need to come back and – it hurt.”

“Stiles -”

“No, let me. Please.” Derek nodded, never letting go of Stiles' hand. “That's why I stopped answering you and it's stupid, believe me I know. The insomnia started again and the nightmares were worse. But, I thought it would be easier to just let you go.” He closed his eyes and whispered the next word. “Forever.”

“I promised I would come back. God Stiles. I kept thinking you hated me.” Stiles kept shaking his head, mentally beating himself for being so stupid and hurting Derek like that.

“I'm so sorry. I –”

“I sounded happy on the phone because I was talking to you.” At that Stiles opened his eyes and stared at Derek, mouth hanging open and heart beating fast inside his chest. “I miss Cora and I wish we could be together, but we want different things. She's happy there and I can only be happy here with -”

“Me?” Stiles completed for him but it sounded more like a question, a confirmation.

“Yes.” Derek agreed smiling, one hand coming to wipe one tear from Stiles' cheek. “With you.” Stiles doesn't think he ever felt so happy, not in a long time at least - definitely not since Scott was bitten, probably not even since his mom died.  
And it's only because Derek is smiling at him as if he hangs the moon (Stiles is not going to make a joke about werewolves and moon, not right now at least), caressing his cheek like it's everything he ever wanted to do.

“You won't leave me again?”

“Never.”

–

Their first date is at the Italian restaurant (the only in Beacon Hills) and it's weird how it's not weird at all.

Stiles thinks it's like every other dinner they had before and the waiter doesn't even blink at them when Derek asks for a table. They laugh and joke, talk about their past without bringing sad memories and share a dessert.  
Derek even opens doors for him (and Lydia will lecture Stiles _again_ because conventions and sexism, but Stiles paid the bill tonight so he thinks it makes them even) and overall it's a really good night.

“Hey.” Stiles says while Derek starts the car. “Can we – can we go back to your house?” He doesn't know why he's nervous, he had sex before and Derek knows – they even joked about it, but somehow Derek makes him anxious all over again.

“Isaac will be there.” He answers and reaches his free hand to squeeze Stiles' knee. “Sorry, I didn't -”

“It's okay. We – my dad won't be home until tomorrow morning, if you – if you want to stay.”

“Sure.” Derek's smile is the most beautiful thing Stiles ever seen. “Yeah.”

–

Their first kiss is awkward and clumsy, mostly because Stiles can't stop smiling - the tension from earlier apparently forgotten in the car. The next kiss is not gentle, but bruising and Stiles realizes that they are claiming each other, finally taking everything they want. Their tongues slide together while Stiles moves one hand to Derek's hair and the other around his waist, urging him closer, trying to feel more and more.

Derek's moan hits him with a wave of desire and it's awful to pull away, even if it's to take Derek's hand and drag him to the stair and finally, into his bedroom.

“Why did we decide to wear so many clothes today?” Stiles asks while taking Derek's jacket off and then moving to get rid of his own shirt.

“We like to make things difficult.” Derek answers in the middle of sucking a second hickey on Stiles' neck. When Stiles whines, he licks the bruise apologetically and starts to walk backwards, dragging Stiles to the bed with him. “Fuck, I want you so much.” Derek's voice is hoarse and Stiles fumbles to take their jeans as fast as he can, desperate to feel more skin, craving to touch Derek everywhere.

Once naked he takes Derek's mouth in another dirty kiss, circling his legs around Derek's waist and making their cocks slide together. There's sweat on their chests and Derek keeps moaning Stiles' name like a chant, thrusting his hips down with more power making Stiles' bed squeak under their bodies.

“Shit. Faster Derek, please.” He keeps begging for more, moaning every time Derek sucks a new hickey on his neck, nips at his earlobe or brings a hand to pinch his nipple. When Derek shoves a hand between them, jerking both their cocks in a steady rhythm Stiles whines, clawing at Derek's shoulder, and comes so hard he almost whites out.

“Fuck Stiles.” Derek is still moving his hand on top of him and he sounds so wrecked it makes Stiles shudder. When Derek drops his head against his shoulder Stiles doesn't think twice before biting hard on Derek's neck and that's all it takes for Derek to come all over their chests, moaning Stiles' name again and again.

–

He wakes up with Derek calling his name and it takes him some time to realize Derek is really there - holding him, whispering soothing words and pressing small kisses on his neck.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Derek asks softly.

“No.” He shakes his head. “Just the same nightmares.”

“You'll get better.” Derek makes him lie down again, maneuvering their bodies so Stiles' head is pressed against his chest. “I'm not going anywhere okay? Try to sleep.”

“Derek? ”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.” He can feel Derek's hand twitching where it was drawing random patterns on his back and his heart – Stiles can hear – starts beating faster.

“I love you too.”

When he falls asleep this time and dreams with Derek there's no pain at all, only lazy kisses and the amazing feel of being loved.

**Author's Note:**

> This story is the result of a week without internet and my desire to write something after the season finale (that was kind of a let down if you ask me).  
> There was some spoilers saying that Stiles would struggle with sleeping so I just used it and went nuts. Sorry.  
> Also, I don't like to think Ms. Morell is evil - I think she tried to help Scott stop the Alpha Pack but in her own way, so that's why she's kind of nice in this story.
> 
> It was fun to write, although I cried a little because Stiles gives me feelings, but I'm quite happy with this story.  
> I really hope you like it! I'm always happy to read your comments and please, feel free to correct any mistake!!


End file.
